I sit in my prom dress
and have a beer on the pool patio
listening to pop punk.
My aesthetic is album covers
images of the life I never got to live
smiling in sepia tones teeth full of
past lovers finger prints.
(no matter how many times I brush mine
I can’t get rid of yours)
People say they drink to forget
but I’m 5 beers in and I’m just starting to remember
and I’m not sure anymore if it’s the alcohol
or the remembering that makes me puke?
Am I lightweight or just a heavy hearted?
Either way my body is not equipped for either.
My knees hurt from taking all those runs in January
I would circle around, hoping to catch you in action
I ran 7 miles a day for 2 weeks until one night
I saw you walking on the brick walls and ever since
I stopped running.
I started walking around my house,
blaring Taylor Swift in my underwear
trying to feel like a broken hearted girl.
If I was unapologetic
maybe you wouldn’t leave me anymore
just to have sex.
And I know she hides under the covers
because she’ll never be sure, she’ll be all yours.
I asked you to bring over Pepto Bismol that one night
but I really just wanted to see you, and you knew it
You said “you really don’t look okay do you need me to stay”.
I took that bottle and run up the fucking stairs with it
right to the bathroom straight into a toilet.
I guess you relieved me in some sort of way that night
of having to pretend that I liked your science fiction
and your shitty taste in poetry .